Unconditional Parenting

Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

Alfie Kohn

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Paperback

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English

Atria Books
01 April 2006

Health & Self-Help; Child care & upbringing

A groundbreaking approach to parenting by nationally-respected educator Alfie Kohn that gives parents “powerful alternatives to help children become their most caring, responsible selves” (Adele Faber, New York Times bestselling author) by switching the dynamic from doing things to children to working with them in order to understand their needs and how to meet them.

Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they're told?” and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, “What do kids need—and how can we meet those needs?” What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including “time-outs”), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from “doing to” to “working with” parenting—including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

By: Alfie Kohn
Imprint: Atria Books
Country of Publication: United States
Dimensions: Height: 214mm, Width: 140mm, Spine: 15mm
Weight: 204g
ISBN: 9780743487481
ISBN 10: 0743487486
Pages: 272
Publication Date: 01 April 2006
Audience: General/trade , ELT Advanced
Format: Paperback
Publisher's Status: Active

Alfie Kohn is the author of nine previous books that have helped shape the thinking of parents. He has also appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and Today. He lives in Boston.

Reviews for Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

"""Powerful alternatives to help children become their most caring, responsible selves."" -- Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen . . ."