He's Scared, She's Scared

A heavy dose of pop advice and sympathetic handholding for those whose anxieties about commitment are messing up their love lives. Carter and Sokol (What Really Happens in Bed, 1989, etc.) explore why some men and women have trouble making a commitment, defined here as a promise to participate in a well-intentioned, monogamous, open-minded, responsible, and realistic relationship. The topic isn't a new one for the authors, who examined commitmentphobia in Men Who Can't Love (1987). But times have changed, they say, and now women, too, have their doubts and fears - hence this new look at the problem. Carter and Sokol first consider the two basic types of commitment conflict - active and passive, with men predominating in the active role. They demonstrate how these conflicts play out in relationships, with plenty of examples garnered from eight years' worth of interviews with people about their relationships. The authors then ask readers to take various quizzes to discover significant patterns of behavior in their relationships with the opposite sex and to determine what their commitment fears are; here, again, anecdotes about troubled couples provide ample illustrations. Finally, Carter and Sokol offer a guide for managing conflicts and changing relationships. Although they state that they're writers, not therapists, their advice derives from Carter's experience in leading support groups for those with commitment anxieties. Of some initial appeal to those who enjoy taking relationship quizzes - but unlikely to hold the interest of any but the truly - well, committed. (Kirkus Reviews)