Predicting the 2025-2026 NBA Season

Mike Bhangu

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English

Bhang-Bhang Productions
11 April 2025

Gambling: theories & methods; Sports training & coaching; Basketball

Summary
Details

Chapter Outline

1. Introduction: The NBA in 2025 - Dunking on Mars and Other Absurdities

1.1 The League's Identity Crisis: A league torn between geriatric superteams (LeBron's 23rd season, KD's Maldives timeshare) and Gen Z squads who think ""post moves"" are Instagram stories.

1.2 Globalization Gone Wild: Games on SpaceX rockets, halftime shows by AI-generated Drake, and Adam Silver's new title: ""Intergalactic Basketball Overlord.""

1.3 Predicting Chaos: Methodology includes a Magic 8-Ball, a Roomba, and Uncle Dave's wisdom: ""The tall guy who dunks will win.""

2. Offseason Insanity: Trades, Drafts, and the Great NFT Heist

2.1 Blockbuster Trades: LeBron trades himself to the Warriors for a lifetime supply of avocado toast. Zion Williamson demands a deal to IHOP (""better pancakes, fewer injuries"").

2.2 Draft Night Drama: Bronny James Jr. picked #1 by the Lakers... and immediately benched for violating Dad's ""no TikTok during timeouts"" rule.

2.3 Free Agency Fiasco: Kyrie Irving signs with the Flat Earth Society's exhibition team. The Knicks accidentally trade their mascot for a fax machine.

3. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Sweaters: Team Trends & MVP Madness

3.1 Rising Contenders:

OKC Thunder: A roster of 19-year-olds who've already invented teleportation... but still can't shoot free throws.

Orlando Magic: Paolo Banchero leads a team that's 50% highlight reels, 50% ""Wait, why are they dunking on their own hoop?""

3.2 Falling Empires:

Phoenix Suns: Kevin Durant's cyborg knee finally reboots... into retirement. L.A. Clippers: Their new arena is just a hospital wing with a scoreboard. 3.3 MVP Race: Luka Dončic averages a 40-point triple-double but loses to Victor Wembanyama, who blocks shots and patents a new French pastry.

4. Playoffs: Chaos, Chokes, and a Raccoon Invasion

4.1 Eastern Conference:

The Celtics' robot coach malfunctions, starts benching starters for ""lack of charisma.""

The Bucks' Giannis wins a game by carrying the ball, the hoop, and the ref to the locker room.

4.2 Western Conference:

Warriors vs. Timberwolves ends in a brawl when Steph Curry's toddler drains a half-court shot.

The Rockets' ""rebuild"" involves literal rockets; James Harden regrets everything.

4.3 Finals: Celtics vs. Thunder. Jaylen Brown vs. Chet Holmgren. Seven games of glory, culminating in a court-storming by Elon Musk's pet raccoon.

5. Legacy & Lunacy: What This All Means (Spoiler: Nothing)

5.1 The NBA's New World Order: Expansion teams in Vegas (run by blackjack dealers) and Seattle (still bitter about the Sonics).

5.2 Global Domination: The Basketball Africa League's MVP is a goat. Literally. A goat.

5.3 The Future: LeBron announces he'll play until 2050 using a cyborg body funded by Disney+. Adam Silver unveils the NBA's first official cryogenic freeze chamber.

Epilogue

The 2026-2027 season preview: Rookie class includes Shaq's clone and a AI coach that quits mid-game to write poetry.

By: Mike Bhangu
Imprint: Bhang-Bhang Productions
Dimensions: Height: 229mm, Width: 152mm, Spine: 2mm
Weight: 59g
ISBN: 9781069461933
ISBN 10: 1069461938
Pages: 34
Publication Date: 11 April 2025
Audience: General/trade , ELT Advanced
Format: Paperback
Publisher's Status: Active

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Predicting the 2025-2026 NBA Season

Mike Bhangu

$21.95 $20.15

Paperback

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