I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults...

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Deborah Tannen

I Only Say This Because I Love You

Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults

Deborah Tannen

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English

Ballantine Books Inc.
15 May 2002

Family & health; Popular psychology

Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? In

this illuminating book, Deborah Tannen, the linguist and and bestselling author of

You Just Don't Understand and many other books, reveals why talking to family members

is so often painful and problematic even when we're all adults.

Searching for signs

of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the

seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only

Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to

learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages -unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships

and the way things are said.

Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen

reveals what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations

must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle

to be close without giving up our freedom.

This eye-opening book explains why grown

women so often feel criticized by their mothers; and why mothers feel they can't

open their mouths around their grown daughters; why growing up male or female, or

as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist

throughout our lives; and much, much more. By helping us to understand and redefine

family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members

of every age.

By: Deborah Tannen
Imprint: Ballantine Books Inc.
Country of Publication: United States
Dimensions: Height: 208mm, Width: 140mm, Spine: 20mm
Weight: 375g
ISBN: 9780345407528
ISBN 10: 0345407520
Pages: 368
Publication Date: 15 May 2002
Audience: General/trade , ELT Advanced
Format: Paperback
Publisher's Status: Active

Deborah Tannen is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University. She is the author of several books and a frequent guest on Oprah and other US TV programmes.

Reviews for I Only Say This Because I Love You: Talking to Your Parents, Partner, Sibs, and Kids When You're All Adults

Praise for You Just Don't Understand Tannen has a marvelous ear for the way real people express themselves and a scientist's command of the inner structure of speech and human relationships. --Jonathan Kirsch, Los Angeles Times Goes a long way toward explaining why perfectly wonderful men and women behave in ways that baffle their partners. -- Judy Mann, The Washington Post This book, written by a linguistics expert so you have to believe she knows what she's talking about could be the Rosetta Stone that deciphers the miscommunication between the sexes. -- Ruthe Stein, San Francisco Chronicle This book will help many put their problems of communication with the opposite sex in manageable perspective. -- Ruth Rose, The New York Times Book Review Deborah Tannen combines a novelist's ear for the way people speak with a rare power of original analysis. It is this that makes her an extraordinary sociolinguist, and... her book such a fascinating look at that crucial social cement, conversation. -- Oliver Sacks From the Hardcover edition.