How to Talk to a Narcissist

Finely attuned to the myriad ways in which individuals voice their complaints in marital, cross-cultural, and corporate settings, Lachkar offers us a treasure of insight and interventions, as she delineates the communicative patterns of various personality types within a dyadic context. Lachkar also introduces original concepts like the 'V-Spot' (the point of our greatest vulnerability). Her writing is firmly anchored in theory and yet eminently accessible to readers at all levels of experience. Salman Akhtar, MD, Thomas Jefferson University, and supervising and training analyst, Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia Lachkar offers a clear approach to engage the difficult to treat narcissistic/borderline personality couple that is informed by deep clinical and theoretical knowledge. She describes the seeming endurance of such painful relationships as the 'dance of the couple' and identifies how such relationships become frozen and limit intimacy. Through many, detailed clinical examples she demonstrates techniques for both communicating with and listening to such couples. From a broad knowledge of psychodynamic theory, culture, history and her own vast clinical experience she describes how these relationships operate. The breadth of theoretical knowledge, vivid examples, useful techniques, and cultural awareness make the book distinct and special. J. Mark Thompson, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA At last a scholar who moves past the psychobabble and the rival psychological (mainly psychodynamic) theories and tackles the difficult task of how to communicate with narcissists. The book is a delight to read. Though her astounding erudition is evident throughout, Lachkar never condescends or patronizes. She condenses decades of research into concise yet comprehensive chapters and opens up new vistas of understanding seamlessly. A must read and a welcome addition to the literature and an indispensable tool in the arsenal of victims of abuse meted out by narcissists and psychopaths. Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited This book is an outstanding update of Dr. Lachkar's profound and sensible approach to understanding and treating narcissism in all its forms. A special chapter has been added concerning the narcissist's ability to draw others into long litigation. Her 'Courts Beware!' is a significant contribution to the literature on narcissism. This is a book that has wide appeal not only for the therapist's repertoire concerning engaging such clients and their families but also for those in sociology, social psychology and political science who are interested in political charismatic leaders. This is a book not to be missed and to be placed high on one's reading list. Nancy Hartevelt Kobrin, counter terrorist psychoanalyst expert, author of five books, external expert at La Universidad de Granada, senior analyst at the Islamic Theology of Counter Terrorism, London, UK We are fortunate to have a second edition of Joan Lachkar's comprehensive book on the varieties of narcissism. She gives concise summaries of relevant theory and many rich case vignettes with guides and 'how to' suggestions for individual and couples therapists. This book should be in every therapist's library. Peter Loewenberg, professor of psychohistory at UCLA, political psychologist with the clinical practice at UCLA, a supervisor and training analyst at the New Center for Psychoanalysis In this comprehensive book, Dr. Lachkar delves into the etiology of narcissism, identifying its origins and creatively expanding these into varying subtypes. This book offers a in-depth approach into the psychoanalytic underpinnings, giving both clarity and guidance for clinicians struggling to communicate with or to listen to such individuals. The chapter on narcissists in the courtroom offers a sobering and cautionary elucidation of narcissistic defenses and how their attitude play out in litigation. Written in an engaging, approachable manner, this outstanding book is a must read for those wishing to further their understanding of narcissism. Nina Savelle-Rockin, PsyD, psychoanalyst, radio host, author of Food for Thought: Perspectives On Eating Disorders, coeditor of Beyond the Primal Addiction In this comprehensive book on narcissistic personality organization, Dr. Lachkar delves into the etiology of narcissism identifying its origins and creatively expands these into varying subtypes. Many scholars have defined and diagnosed narcissism but very few have actually taken on the task as to how to talk to on! Integrated into the mix are the artistic and cultural aspect of narcissists especially important in our ever changing world let alone clinical practices. At another level this book offers a more in-depth approach into the psychoanalytic underpinnings giving both clarity and guidance for clinicians struggling to communicate or even how to listen with such individuals. The chapter on narcissists in the courtroom offers a sobering and cautionary elucidation of narcissistic defenses and how their attitude play out in litigation. Finally she then provides an expansive and thought-provoking section on cultural psychodynamics, shedding new insights on the treatment of cross-cultural couples. Written in an engaging, approachable manner, this outstanding book is a must-read for those wishing to further their understanding of narcissism. - Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin At last a scholar who moves past the psychobabble and the rival psychological (mainly psychodynamic) theories and tackles the difficult task of how to communicate with narcissists (those diagnosed with the pernicious and all-pervasive Narcissistic Personality Disorder - NPD). The disorder itself has been dissected to smithereens in numerous hefty tomes (including mine: Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited, first published in 1999). To the author's credit, starting with her seminal studies of narcissistic-borderline couples, she has always set her sights on the victims: their needs, fears, and welfare. Her latest work is no exception. Following a lucid exposition of NPD, Lachkar proceeds to deal with eight types of narcissists. She describes their pathology in relevant details, their v-spots (a construct she proposes, intended to capture emotional vulnerabilities, often induced by childhood abuse), their communication styles, and their reactions to various stimuli. She then proceeds to pose the all-important question of: who bonds with each and every subtype of narcissist and why? Case studies and discussions support her arguments and her proposed remedies (a communication and behavior modification modality she calls empathology ). But Lachkar's insights and methodology are not confined to the marital scene. How To Talk to a Narcissist is among the few books to deal with the narcissistic artist and to wrestle with the delicate topic of the narcissism of collectives, cultures, societies, and historical processes. The book is a delight to read. Though her astounding erudition is evident throughout, Lachkar never condescends or patronizes. She condenses decades of research into concise yet comprehensive chapters and opens up new vistas of understanding seamlessly. A must read and a welcome addition to the literature and an indispensable tool in the arsenal of victims of abuse meted out by narcissists and psychopaths. Highly and unreservedly -Sam Vaknin author of Malignant Self-love We are fortunate to have a second edition of Joan Lachkar's comprehensive book on the varieties of narcissism. She gives concise summaries of relevant theory and many rich case vignettes with guides and how to suggestions for individual and couples therapists. This book should be in every therapist's library. - Peter Loewenberg, Professor of Psychohisotry at UCLA, supervisor and training analyst The New Center for Psychoanalysis. This book is an outstanding update of Dr. Lachkar's profound and sensible approach to understanding and treating narcissism in all its forms. A special chapter has been added concerning the narcissist's ability to draw others into long litigation. Her Courts Beware! is a significant contribution to the literature on narcissism. This is a book that has wide appeal not only for the therapist's repertoire concerning engaging such clients and their families but also for those in sociology, social psychology and political science who are interested in political charismatic leaders. This is a book not to be missed and to be placed high on one's reading list! - Dr. Nancy Hartevelt Kobrin is a counter terrorist psychoanalyst expert specializing in early childhood development of the jihadis, author of five books holding the academic appointment of external expert at La Universidad de Granada as well as senior analyst at the Islamic Theology of Counter Terrorism, London, UK.